In honor of Supernatural‘s 200th episode, airing Tuesday, November 11, 2014, here are the 100 funniest quotes from episodes 100-199. Also, check out the original 100 Funniest Supernatural Quotes from the first 99 episodes.
#101 “Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that…I got laid.”
-Dean in season 5, episode 18, “Point of No Return”
#100 “So you know you can’t trust them, right? You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?”
-Zachariah in season 5, episode 18, “Point of No Return”
#99 “If you’re dead, you better stay dead, cuz if not, we’re gonna kill you”
-Harry Spangler in season 5, episode 19, “Hammer of the Gods”
#98 “I’m gonna help you ice the Devil. And then we can all get back to ganking each other like normal. You want Lucifer? Dude’s not in the Yellow Pages. We can either take on the Devil together or you lame-ass bitches can eat me. Literally.”
-Dean in season 5, episode 19, “Hammer of the Gods”
#97 “Lucifer, you’re my brother and I love you, but you are a great big bag of dicks.”
-Gabriel in season 5, episode 19, “Hammer of the Gods”
#96 “Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt you crap margaritas.”
-Bobby in season 5, episode 20, “The Devil You Know”
#95 “Remember when we used to just hunt Wendigos, how simple things were.”
-Sam in season 5, episode 21, “Two Minutes to Midnight”
#94 “Hey, ass-butt!”
-Castiel to Lucifer in season 5, episode 22, “Swan Song”
#93 “Either we got monsters grabbing babies to make baby stew or we got a bunch of psychotic yokels grabbing babies to make baby stew. Either way, it’s baby stew, which is bad.”
-Samuel in season 6, episode 2, “Two and a Half Men”
#92 “I’m pretty sure that there’s some kind of paste or jelly you’re supposed to put on their butt.”
-Dean about babies in season 6, episode 2, “Two and a Half Men”
#91 “I’ll pay you money if you sit still. This is like diffusing an IED with poop.”
-Dean to the baby in season 6, episode 2, “Two and a Half Men”
#90 “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here.”
-Dean’s prayer in season 6, episode 3, “The Third Man”
#89 “Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent.”
-Castiel in season 6, episode 3, “The Third Man”
#88 “This morning I had a menage a…what’s French for 12?”
-Balthazar in season 6, episode 3, “The Third Man”
#87 “No Garth, not me the FBI, the real FBI. How are you still alive?”
-Bobby in season 6, episode 4, “Weekend at Bobby’s”
#86 “Help me for once”
Bobby: “Sam, Dean, I love you like my own, I do. But sometimes you two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met. I’m selfish? Me? I do everything for you. Everything! You need some lore scrounged up? You need your asses pulled out of the fire? You need someone to bitch to about each other? You call me and I come through every damn time. And what do I get for it? Jack, with a side of squat. I know you’ve got issues. God knows I know. But I got a newsflash for you: You ain’t the center of the universe. Now it may have slipped your mind that Crowley owns my soul and the meter is running, and I will be damned if I’m going to sit around and be damned. So how about you two sack up and help me for once!”
-Season 6, episode 4, “Weekend at Bobby’s”
#85 “I’ll do the short-hand for you. ’I want my soul back, idjit.’ ‘Afraid not.’ ‘But I’m surly and I got a beard. Gimme!’ Blah blah blah. Home-spun, cornpone insult. Witty retort from yours truly. The bottom line is, you get bupkiss. Are we done?”
-Crowley in season 6, episode 4, “Weekend at Bobby’s”
#84 “You may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra three inches below the belt.”
-Bobby to Crowley in season 6, episode 4, “Weekend at Bobby’s”
#83 “He’s watching her sleep. How is that not rapey?”
-Dean in season 6, episode 5, “Live Free or Twi-Hard”
#82 “Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: Vampires pee.”
-Dean in season 6, episode 5, “Live Free or Twi-Hard”
#81 “Tori Spelling. I’m a huge fan. The girl’s a real talent.”
-Bobby in season 6, episode 6, “You Can’t Handle the Truth”
#80 “You’d sell your brother for a dollar right now if you really needed a soda.”
-Crowley to Sam in season 6, episode 8, “All Dogs Go to Heaven”
#79 “We’re specialists. And they call us in to answer the questions of mouth-breathing dick monkeys.”
-Sam in season 6, episode 8, “All Dogs Go to Heaven”
#78 “Close encounter? What kind? First, second? Third kind already? You’d better run, man, I think the fourth kind is a butt thing.”
-Sam in season 6, episode 9, “Clap Your Hands If You Believe”
#77 “So you’ve been hunting UFOs for over three decades and you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads. Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting UFOs?”
-Sam in season 6, episode 9, “Clap Your Hands If You Believe”
#76 “It was a little, glowing, hot, naked lady with nipples and she hit me.”
-Dean in season 6, episode 9, “Clap Your Hands If You Believe”
#75 “Dean, did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?”
-Sam in season 6, episode 9, “Clap Your Hands If You Believe”
#74 “Fight the fairies! You fight those fairies! Fight the fairies!”
-Dean in season 6, episode 9, “Clap Your Hands If You Believe”
#73 “I don’t hate any size person or any size gay guy.”
-Dean in season 6, episode 9, “Clap Your Hands If You Believe”
#72 “It’s very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she’s done something wrong.”
-Castiel in season 6, episode 10, “Caged Heat”
#71 “You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don’t talk about it.”
-Dean in season 6, episode 10, “Caged Heat”
#70 “I learned that from the pizza man.”
-Castiel to Meg in season 6, episode 10, “Caged Heat”
#69 “Ain’t nobody killing me in my house but me.”
-Bobby in season 6, episode 11, “Appointment in Samara”
#68 “Like my daddy always said: Just cuz it kills your liver don’t mean it ain’t medicine.”
-Bobby in season 6, episode 12, “Like a Virgin”
#67 “They’re not like the Loch Ness Monster, Dean. Dragons aren’t real.”
-Bobby in season 6, episode 12, “Like a Virgin”
#66 “You rocks think you’re so smart.”
-Dean in season 6, episode 12, “Like a Virgin”
#65 “What’s a Snooki?”
Dean: “Maybe we’ll have a Snooki sighting.”
Sam: “What’s a Snooki?”
Dean: “That’s a good question.”
-Season 6, Episode 14, “Mannequin 3: The Reckoning”
#64 “We landed in some dimension where you’re Jensen Ackles and I’m something called a Jared Padalecki.”
-Sam in season 6, episode 15, “The French Mistake”
#39 “’Monsters cure cancer,’ a sentence I never thought I’d say.”
-Dean in season 7, episode 16, “Out with the Old”
#38 “She’s not our friend. We don’t even have friends. All our friends are dead.”
-Dean in season 7, episode 17, “The Born-Again Identity”
#37 “Beer’s not food, it’s whatever water is.”
-Dean in season 7, episode 18, “Party On, Garth”
#36 “I can kill werewolves, fix a Pinto and bake cornbread. I will be damned if I can’t get Zen.”
-Bobby in season 7, episode 19, “Of Grave Importance”
#35 “Did you know that a cat’s penis is sharply barbed along its shaft? I know for a fact the females were not consulted about that.”
-Castiel in season 7, episode 21, “Reading Is Fundamental”
#34 “We weren’t sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was just amazing. But in the end it was you, the Homo Sapien Sapiens. You guys ate the apple, invented pants.”
-Castiel in season 7, episode 21, “Reading Is Fundamental”
#33 “I’m not prepared to factor the supernatural into my worldview.”
-Kevin in season 7, episode 21, “Reading Is Fundamental”
#32 “What’s a Kardashian?”
Emily: “What’s a Kardashian?”
Dean: “Oh, that’s just another bloodsucker.”
-Season 7, episode 22, “There Will Be Blood”
#31 “Monkeys are so clever, and they’re sensible in that they leave the skins on the bananas that they eat. Is it really necessary to test cosmetics on them? I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?”
-Castiel in season 7, episode 23, “Survival of the Fittest”
#30 “I guess standing too close to exploding Dick sends your ass straight to Purgatory.”
-Dean in season 8, episode 1, “We Need to Talk About Kevin”
#29 “Cacao was the most powerful god because maize was the most important thing to the Mayans. Well, that and torturing and killing everyone in sight.”
-Sam in season 8, episode 3, “Heartache”
#28 “Clear eyes and clogged arteries can’t lose.”
-Dean in season 8, episode 4, “Bitten”
#27 “Idjit’s supposed to be used angrily. Not happy. If you’re gonna butcher it, don’t say it at all.”
-Dean in season 8, episode 6, “Southern Comfort”
#26 “Wow, real magic. That is really cool, if not mostly terrifying.”
-Charlie in season 8, episode 11, “LARP and the Real Girl”
#25 “Dudes time-traveling through motel room closets? That’s what we’ve come to?”
-Dean in season 8, episode 12, “As Time Goes By”
#24 “I’ve got this killer mattress. Memory foam: It remembers me.”
-Dean in season 8, episode 14, “Trial and Error”
#23 “The kid needs to eat something that’s not ground-up hooves and pigs’ anuses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
-Dean in season 8, episode 14, “Trial and Error”
#22 “Of all the lame-ass things you’ve ever said, that’s gotta be the lame-assiest.”
-Dean in season 8, episode 15, “Man’s Best Friend with Benefits”
#21 “Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?”
Meg: “Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?”
Castiel: “A movie, no. But a book, with the proper spells, yeah, it could theoretically kill me.”
-Season 8, episode 17, “Goodbye Stranger”
#20 “I never trust a guy who wears a sweater.”
-Dean in season 8, episode 18, “Freaks and Geeks”
#19 “Patience isn’t one of my virtues. Well, I don’t have any virtues, but if I did I’m certain that patience wouldn’t be one.”
-Crowley in season 8, episode 19, “Taxi Driver”
#18 “I also found this series of books by Carver Edlund. Did those books really happen? Wow, that is some meta madness. Thanks for saving the world and stuff.”
-Charlie in season 8, episode 20, “Pac-Man Fever”
#17 “Look, I know this is insane, but insane is kind of what we do.”
-Sam in season 8, episode 22, “Clip Show”
#16 “Girls. You’re my Marnie, Moose. And Hannah, she just needs to be loved. She deserves it, don’t we all? You, me, we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be loved.”
-Crowley in season 8, episode 23, “Sacrifice”
#15 “Torture? Brilliant. Can’t wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, really putting the S.A.M. into S&M. Honestly, boys, what are you gonna do to me that I don’t do to myself just for kicks every Friday night?”
-Crowley in season 9, episode 2, “Devil May Care”
#14 “I always knew I’d find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.”
-Dean in season 9, episode 5, “Dog Dean Afternoon”
#13 “Do you know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.”
-Dean in season 9, episode 5, “Dog Dean Afternoon”
#12 “Nobody bad touched me, nobody burned me with their smokes or beat me with a metal hanger. I call that a win.”
-Dean in season 9, episode 7, “Bad Boys”
#11 “I enjoyed the taste of food, particularly peanut butter with grape jelly. Not jam. Jam I found unsettling.”
-Castiel in season 9, episode 11, “First Born”
#10 “The Winchesters. Yay.”
Harry: “The Winchesters. Yay.”
Ed: “Says nobody.”
Harry: “Ever.”
-Season 9, episode 15, “#THINMAN”
#9 “The bedroom of a teenage girl is meant for two things: giggles and joy. Until one night, Thinman turned the giggles into blood.”
-Ed in season 9, episode 15, “#THINMAN”
#8 “The lore says that Thinman hangs out by trees. And the woods is where trees hang out.”
-Harry in season 9, episode 15, “#THINMAN”
#7 “Honor bar. What’s honorable about a miniature bar in a motel room?”
-Castiel in season 9, episode 18, “Meta Fiction”
#6 “You betrayed me? No one in the history of torture’s been tortured with torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with.”
-Crowley in season 9, episode 21, “King of the Damned”
#5 “Sure, he’s cute. And Castiel has this simple charm. He’s like a mentally deficient puppy.”
-Metatron in season 9, episode 22, “Stairway to Heaven”
#4 “I believe it’s some sort of riddle. Why is 6 afraid of 7? I assume it’s because 7 is a prime number and prime numbers can be intimidating.”
-Castiel in season 9, episode 22, “Stairway to Heaven”
#3 “How much less better?”
Crowley: “It’s the Mark. It wants you to kill. The more you kill, the better you feel. The less you kill, the less better you feel.”
Dean: “How much less better?”
Crowley: “One would imagine the least best better.”
-Season 9, episode 23, “Do You Believe in Miracles?”
#2 “Game of Thrones is complicated. Shower sex, that’s complicated. Hell ain’t complicated.”
-Dean in season 9, episode 23, “Do You Believe in Miracles?”
#1 100 Funniest Supernatural Quotes, Part 1
Check out our original list of the funniest quotes from the show’s first 99 episodes .
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.
