Attention Gleeks: Here are the best and funniest quotes from McKinley in the first two episodes of season 6 of Glee, “Loser Like Me” and “Homecoming.” Also, check out my recap of this episode.
Official Synopsis from FOX: “After Rachel’s humiliating failure as TV actress, she comes home to Lima to figure out what she wants to do next. Upon discovering that Sue has banished the arts at McKinley, Rachel takes it upon herself to reinstate and lead the Glee Club. Meanwhile, Blaine, no longer in a relationship with Kurt, has moved home to coach the Warblers while Will is coaching rival Vocal Adrenaline, and Sam is the assistant coach for the McKinley football team. Then Puck, Quinn, Santana, Mercedes, Brittany, Artie and Tina all return to McKinley for Homecoming and help Rachel and Kurt recruit for the new glee club.”
#45 “Do what everyone who just failed miserably does: Blame everyone else and then go home.”
-FOX President Lee Paulblatt to Rachel
#44 “I’m the new coach of the Warblers.”
Blaine: “I’m the new coach of the Warblers.”
Rachel: “You don’t need a college degree for that?”
Blaine: “I’m not a real teacher, but the faculty advisor got Ebola or something.”
#43 “The Sue Sylvester 3-Point Plan. : A complete dietary overhaul, protein shakes and raw kale. : Mandatory random weigh-ins and body-shaming. : Occasionally releasing hounds.”
-Sue
#42 “My crowning achievement? Getting rid of that glee club, making sure that every last one of those sitter-diddled transvestites were forcibly transferred to other schools.”
-Sue
#41 “If there’s one thing I am most proud of, it’s the fact that I have proven once and for all young minds do not need the humanities or the arts.”
-Sue
#40 “I’ve already secured my internship at the Lexington Retirement Home where I will spend the year directing a stage production of The Real Housewives that I wrote myself.”
-Kurt
#39 “I’m kind of a post-modern gay teen. You see, positive representations of gays in the mass media has given me the confidence I need to be myself, which it turns out is kind of an arrogant jerk.”
-Spencer to Rachel
#38 “If salmon had legs, we’d have it for dinner, not breakfast.”
-Coach Beiste to the football players
#37 “Congratulations, BTW. The humiliating public nature of your epic flame-out exceeded my expectations in a major way.”
-Sue to Rachel
#36 “Now get the hell out of my office before I sic a convicted felon on you. I’ve been watching her out of the corner of my eye for the last few minutes, and I’m pretty sure she’s fashioning a shiv.”
-Sue to Rachel
#35 “We had a great run, but let’s just call it quits before we completely hate each other.”
-Kurt to Blaine
#34 “Have you ever seen a guy shoot a bow and arrow? The power is created by the bending of the bow. The more the bow bends, the more potential energy is created.”
-Will to Rachel
#33 “Life’s challenges are just the bending of the bow. The bigger the challenges, the more the bow bends, the more potential you create to do something amazing. All you have to do is just find a purpose, find the arrow that you’re gonna put in that bow.”
-Will to Rachel
#32 “It’s just a TV show, it’s not who you are. You’re not gonna be defined by this failure. The future will judge you based on what you do to come back from it.”
-Will to Rachel
#31 “I wouldn’t mind seeing Sue Sylvester taken down a peg. The grades are up, but I’m not sure about the caning.”
-The superintendent to Rachel
#30 “I’m surprised at the speed with which two of the glee club’s more promising graduates have tucked their tails between their legs and slinked back to high school.”
-Sue to Rachel and Kurt
#29 “While I’m always tickled at the sheer novelty of having a middle-sex like Porcelain, cuz it’s just so whimsical to talk to somebody who looks and sounds so much like a gay cartoon walrus, you, Rachel Berry, well, you crossed a line.”
-Sue to Rachel and Kurt
#28 “I don’t appreciate being told off, and when we met up in New York you insulted me in front of my beau simply because I flew a thousand miles to be at your opening night so I could walk out in the middle and have sex all over your apartment.”
-Sue to Rachel
#27 “You have just entered Sue Sylvester’s Thunderdome and I will show you no mercy, give no quarter, and my battle with Will Schuester will look like two adorable little baby pandas play-wrestling in comparison to what I am going to unleash on both of you.”
-Sue to Rachel and Kurt
#26 “You will beg for death but it will not come. You think you bottomed out with that abomination of a TV show you were in? Oh, Rachel Berry, your national nightmare has just begun.”
-Sue to Rachel
#25 “Here we are, Yogi and Boo-Boo. That’s his nickname for us because I’m his big bear and he’s my little cub.”
-Karofsky to Kurt about himself and Blaine
#24 “I’m gonna be sick, I’m gonna throw up, and when did Blaine start liking bears?”
-Kurt
#23 “It’s Homecoming Week, which means that a bunch of old farts will be creeping around the hallways like Game of Throne White Walkers, horrifying you with their beer bellies and their liver spots. And that’s just the Class of 2012.”
-Sue
#22 “FYI, the much-beloved McKinley High Homecoming Dance is canceled due to, uh, let’s say Sharia Law.”
-Sue
#21 “What’s next, cat and dog Warblers? The very question is risible. How about a student who’s a skunk? Should it be allowed to become a Warbler? … Should squirrels be allowed to join the Warblers? The very premise of your argument is laughable.”
– Warbler council member
#20 “Aren’t most of you guys gay?”
Warbler #1: “We can’t have a girl Warbler. Imagine the sexual tension. We would never get anything done.”
Blaine: “But aren’t most of you guys gay?”
Warbler #1: “How dare you! I have a girlfriend.”
Warbler #2: “We all have girlfriends.”
Blaine: “Really?”
#19 “I’m filing them based on emotion as we always should have filed them. This pile is Divas Strike Back and that pile is Cherish Yourself and that pile right there is Makeovers, because we always tend to love a good makeover.”
-Kurt to Rachel
#18 “Is it like a high-pitched ringing, but only in your left ear? Because yes, I do [hear it] all the time. I never wanted Mr. Schue to know because he’s like God to me, but now that you know I feel like I can tell you all this stuff that I’ve been holding…”
-Sam to Rachel
#17 “I heard a voice”
Rachel: “I had an epiphany and I heard a voice.”
Kurt: “You found a student?”
Rachel: “Well, not exactly, but I heard him. At least I think it’s a him.”
Kurt: “Let’s not label or judge.”
#16 “You owe glee club”
Kurt: “You’re naïve if you don’t think you’re standing on our shoulders. You owe glee club.”
Spencer:“Please, I owe Modern Family.”
#15 “I can’t stand Gaga, I’ve never seen Newsies and I don’t write Archie fan fiction where Archie and Jughead are hot for each other.”
-Spencer to Kurt
#14 “Just because you and I happen to be born in the same 10 percent of the population that would choose Andrew Garfield over Emma Stone doesn’t mean we have anything else in common.”
-Spencer to Kurt
#13 “I’m not saying ‘No’ to your glee club because it’s gay or straight, I’m saying ‘No’ because I think it sucks.”
-Spencer to Kurt
#12 “Oh my God, that’s horrible”
Student: “The Tea Party Patriots is McKinley’s most popular club.”
Tina: ‘Oh my God, that’s horrible! What is happening to America?”
#11 “Sex sells”
Santana: “Just remember, sex sells.”
Brittany: “True. That’s how Lady Tubbington got Lord Tubbington caught up in a Ponzi scheme.”
#10 “You really think I’m gonna come back and help you and your stupid glee club after the way you treated all of us?”
-Kitty to Artie
#9 “Of course the incest twins want in. Let’s go ladies, we have to explain to these two again why Flowers in the Attic is not a love story to aspire to.”
-Kitty about Mason and Madison
#8 “If you really want to get Blaine back, here’s what you do. First, promise him you’re gonna burn all your clothing and then tell him you’re gonna start dressing like a normal person.”
-Brittany to Kurt
#7 “Then I think you should really start getting honest with him about following your life’s ambition, which is becoming America’s top Barbara Bush impersonator.”
-Brittany to Kurt
#6 “Dudes, he’s in the showers in the locker room. They’re always in the shower.”
-Sam to everyone about the mysterious singer
#5 “Even the principal calls me White Precious.”
-Roderick to the glee club alums
#4 “Just when I thought I had finally killed my white whale, vanquished the tone-deaf pansexual leviathan that is the McKinley High glee club, it returns to befoul the great musical heritage of this nation, one execrable mash-up at a time.”
-Sue
#3 “So forlorn am I that my Pakistani doctor has informed me that I, Sue Sylvester, have developed a duodenal ulcer, and now I’ve taken to drinking a mixture of motor oil, Bloody Mary mix and bat guano just so I can bleed out and die.”
-Sue
#2 “You’re going to have to audition”
Rachel: “You’re going to have to audition. We have a very rigorous process.”
Tina: “Not really. Sugar Motta was literally tone-deaf.”
#1 “You think this is hard? Try having sex with Michael Bolton and not fall in love. That’s hard!”
-Sue
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John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.
