There are three essential ingredients to an episode of Glee: a relationship in trouble, one awesome song (or four, or five) and the delicious maliciousness of Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch).
Tonight, the first season of Glee comes to a close, as do the incredible zingers of our favorite tracksuit-wearing tyrant. Whether downright evil or delightfully surreal (or both–our favorite), Sue’s insults are fitting epitaphs as we say goodbye to the awesomeness of Glee until the fall. But don’t be too sad: we’re willing to bet that Sue will spend most of her summer vacation brainstorming and rehearsing all-new creative expressions of contempt for next year. Because that’s how Sue … C’s it!
“Let’s break it down. You want to be creative. You want to be in the spotlight. Face it: you want to be me. So here’s the deal. You do with your depressing little group of kids what I did with my wealthy, elderly mother: euthanize it. It’s time.”
— to Will in “Showmance”, sowing the seeds for the eternal Will-Sue showdown
“That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in twenty years of teaching. And that includes an elementary school production of Hair.”
— in “Showmance”, reacting to New Directions’ envelope-pushing take on “Push It”
“You know, the way you use your mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring. I’m shocked you’re not married.”
— to Emma in “Acafellas”
“I’ll often yell at homeless people: ‘Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Give not being homeless a try, huh?’ “
— During Sue’s Corner in “Preggers”
“I think you should both pack up and move out of the district, unless you wanna lose your man to a mentally-ill ginger pygmy with eyes like a bush baby.”
— to Terri in “Vitamin D”, telling her about Will’s interest in Emma
“I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.”
–to Will in “Throwdown”, starting a series of hair gags that just won’t stop
“I’ll need to see the set list for sectionals, after all. I want them on my desk warm from the laminator at 5pm. If it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.”
— to Will in “Mash-Up”
“Those are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage our able-bodied students from getting their proper exercise by using the stairs!”
— to Will in “Wheels”, against his proposal to build wheelchair ramps in school
“All I want is just one day a year when I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. Seriously, Ohio, these retinas need a day off. So here’s the dream, the Friday after Christmas, which I have off, if you’re hideous stay at home. Spend the entire day watching home videos of a time when you weren’t too repulsive for me to ever want to look at.”
— during an edition of Sue’s Corner in “Mattress”
“I’m reasonably confident that you will be adding revenge to the long list of things you’re no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club, and finding a hair style that doesn’t make you look like a lesbian. Love you like a sistah!”
— to Will in “Sectionals”
“You may be two of the stupidest teens I’ve ever encountered — and that’s saying something. I once taught a cheerleading seminar to Sarah Palin.”
— to Brittany and Santana in “Hell-O”
“I’m gonna donate this [hair] to the victims of Hurricane Katrina, so they can use it to plug the holes in their trailers.”
— To a kid whose hair she’s just chopped off in “Hell-O”
“You don’t deserve the power of Madonna. Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate.”
— to Emma in “The Power of Madonna”
“You know what, I checked out of our conversation about a minute back, so good luck with your troubles, and I’m gonna make it a habit not to stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.”
— to Kurt in “Laryngitis”
“And that young terrorist went on to become the first gay president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln.”
— to Principal Figgins in “Funk”
(Images courtesy of Fox)
Staff Writer, BuddyTV
