Let’s cut the crap. Most modern movies are an absolute disgrace, a cinematic sewage dump. And I hate to say it, but your favorite movie sucks.
Do a quick search for “modern movies suck” on Google or Youtube, and you’ll see we’re not alone in our assessment.
I’d bet my life savings that my discerning grandparents wouldn’t dare associate with the trash you call your favorite movie.
Cinematic artistry? Don’t make me laugh. Movie-making today is less about impactful storytelling and more about milking the ignorant masses dry.
Why? Because it’s easy. And because viewers like you, let them get away with it.
Have we sunk so low? Are we so brain-dead that we keep consuming this nonsense without a second thought? All signs point to yes…
Get ready to squirm because here are the top ten reasons why your favorite movie is a steaming pile of garbage and most definitely sucks.
1 Lack of Originality
Numero uno on this disgraceful list and why your favorite movie sucks: Lack of originality.
It’s as if you, dear audience, have become so terrified of novelty, so addicted to the warm, hypnotic comfort of the familiar, that you’ve stopped demanding anything new. We now have an endless recycling bin of regurgitated plots and overused tropes.
And who’s to blame for this? Look in the mirror. You asked for it; you got it…Toyota.
Take ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides‘ as Exhibit A, which pulled in over a cool Billion in earnings.
Ah, the fourth installment of a franchise that’s so unoriginal it hurts. Johnny Depp does his eyeliner-heavy pirate shtick again, and guess what? You ate it up.
It seems like Hollywood can keep churning out the same old high-seas capers, and you’d still line their pockets with gold. It screams that we are complicit in our cinematic dumbing-down.
So, the next time you wonder why originality is as rare as an honest politician, remember where you put your money.
Lately, fans have finally started to push back against this blasphemy on a limited scale. It usually involves Hollywood remaking an already spectacular movie with a more “diverse” (all-female) crew.
To be effective, this level of boycotting of movies that commit this sin must be applied across the board, though. Guys, we don’t need the 20th chapter of Spiderman or Batman, either.
2 Reliance on CGI and Special Effects
And now we get to the next sacrilege on this shameful list of why your favorite movie sucks: The over-reliance on CGI and special effects.
It seems you’ve developed such a ravenous appetite for glossy, computer-generated eye candy that storylines, character development, and actual acting have been booted off the priority list. The mantra of the modern movie-goer seems to be:
‘Why have substance when you can have style?’
You can equate it to dating a hot blonde that doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together. Sure is great to look at, but the minute words come out of their mouths, you’re embarrassed.
This worrisome trend has led to an onslaught of visual spectacles that offer nothing beyond momentary thrills. Remember, flashy visuals can’t mask a hollow core, but it seems like a lesson we’re hell-bent on ignoring.
Exhibit B: ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen‘ (2009) starring Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox.
Here’s a movie that made over $836 million worldwide, with visuals so shiny you’d have thought they were compensating for something.
Oh wait, they were – a plot thinner than truckstop toilet paper and characters flatter than a Parisian fashion model’s breast.
But there you were, slurping up every frame of this CGI-laden farce, utterly oblivious to its blatant lack of substance.
So, the next time you see a CGI-heavy monstrosity atop the box office charts, remember – that’s where your dollars are going. And as long as you keep funding these shallow, special effects-laden travesties, that’s all we’ll get.
3 Overlong Runtime
Rolling into the third spot is the cinematic sin of overlong runtime, another reason your favorite movie sucks.
You’ve cultivated an unhealthy tolerance for films that dare to drag on for an eternity. It’s as if the longer a movie stretches, the more it morphs in your mind from a tedious slog to perceived value for money.
Whatever happened to quality over quantity? Have we become so conditioned to confuse endurance with enjoyment? Why do we now applaud films for their ability to hold us, hostage?
More and more films are pushing the three-hour mark, and it’s becoming painful to watch.
Behold Exhibit C: ‘2012‘ (2009) starring John Cusack as Jackson Curtis.
Clocking in at a bladder-busting 158 minutes, this film made a ridiculous $791 million worldwide.
This monstrosity of a movie subjects us to an unending onslaught of disaster scenes and a laughably thin plot that could’ve been neatly wrapped up in half the time.
But you didn’t care. You lapped it up.
Remember this one thing the next time you find your butt turning to concrete in a theater. You’ve given filmmakers the green light to keep you captive for as long as they wish.
4 Weak Character Development
Next on our parade of shame is the widespread ailment of weak character development.
In your quest for flashy effects and epic spectacle, it appears you’ve lost sight of the importance of characters with depth, growth, and complexity.
Why demand fleshed-out, believable characters when you can settle for one-dimensional stick figures with no soul?
This pitfall has resulted in a tide of films with characters as shallow as kiddie pools, with personalities that wouldn’t even pass muster in a Saturday morning cartoon.
Let’s wheel out Exhibit D: ‘Suicide Squad’ starring (2016), starring Will Smith, Jared Leto, and Margot Robbie.
Despite pulling in an impressive $746 million worldwide, this film offered a masterclass in how not to develop characters.
An overcrowded roster of villains-turned-antiheroes, each with their hasty backstory, resulted in characters as transparent as their on-screen presence. Yet, you gleefully coughed up your hard-earned money, thus endorsing this trend of weak character development.
So, the next time you complain about flat, uninspiring characters in your latest movie outing, remember – you have, by your actions, told Hollywood that such half-baked attempts at characterization are perfectly acceptable.
And this is just one of the many reasons your favorite movie sucks!
5 Poor Dialogue
Swinging into the fifth slot of shame is the rampant disease of poor dialogue.
It’s almost like you’ve become so numb to mindless chatter, so unfazed by poorly written lines, that you’ve lowered your standards to accept any manure that spills from a character’s mouth.
This acceptance has given birth to an era of films where words have no weight and conversations sound more like insipid fillers than meaningful exchanges.
It’s like Hollywood’s taken a masterclass in how not to write dialogue, and you’re the willing guinea pig lapping up every cringe-worthy word.
Say hello to Exhibit E: ‘The Hangover Part II‘ (2011), starring Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, and Bradley Cooper.
This sequel, which raked in $586 million worldwide, could serve as a how-to guide for writing shallow, predictable, and often downright crass dialogue.
Surprisingly, this turd didn’t make our worst sequels of all time list because there are so many awful sequels to choose from.
This film was a linguistic dumpster fire, from tacky one-liners to entire scenes packed with inane babble. Yet, you didn’t just sit through it; you rewarded it.
So, the next time you find yourself groaning at a cheesy line or rolling your eyes at a painfully obvious exposition, remember, you helped this trend. You made your bed; now lie in it.
6 Pandering to the Lowest Common Denominator
Sliding into our sixth spot is the cinematic atrocity of pandering to the lowest common denominator.
It appears that in your endless pursuit of mindless entertainment, you’ve forgotten the power of cinema to challenge, enlighten, and elevate.
You seem more than content with films that dumb down their content, diluting any semblance of depth or intelligence to appeal to the broadest, most thoughtless audience possible.
And, boy, does Hollywood know how to pander.
They’ve turned it into an art form, a guaranteed cash cow. They churn out vanilla, mass-appeal flicks faster than a McDonald’s assembly line pumps out cheeseburgers.
Introducing Exhibit F: ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles‘ (2014) starring Megan Fox as April O’Neil.
This 2014 reincarnation of the beloved franchise raked in a whopping $485 million worldwide, and it’s the epitome of a film that panders.
The script is oversimplified, the plot is cookie-cutter, and the humor is designed for those who find the slapstick comedy of slipping on banana peels the height of hilarity. But you, oh discerning viewer, ate it up. You rewarded this disregard for your intelligence with your hard-earned cash.
So, the next time you’re bored out of your skull, watching yet another film that’s been dumbed down for mass appeal, remember, you voted for this. With every ticket you buy, you’re endorsing this cycle of mediocrity and proving once again that your favorite movie sucks.
7 Overuse of Franchise and Sequelization
We’ve reached lucky number seven, where creativity goes to wither: Overuse of Franchise and Sequelization.
Your obsession, dear moviegoer, with seeing your beloved heroes rehashed and repurposed ad infinitum has led us down this path. You’re stuck in a loop, ceaselessly clamoring for the same flavors, faces, and tired storylines.
Exhibit G in this tragic spectacle is ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice‘ (2016), starring Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill.
This CGI-heavy, narrative-light spectacle brought in an astonishing $873 million worldwide.
This movie relies on the success of past projects and well-known actors. It does not offer new or innovative ideas, instead depending heavily on familiarity to draw a large audience.
The story offers little more than an overly complicated excuse to pit two iconic heroes against each other. Yet you, yes you, endorsed this.
The next time you sit through a hollow franchise film or a pointless sequel, ask yourself why. Isn’t it high time you craved something more… original?
No? Well, that’s why your favorite movie sucks, then.
8 Inconsistent Pacing
Rolling in at the eighth spot of our dreadful countdown is the cinematic sin of inconsistent pacing.
It seems like you’re no longer bothered by movies that jerk you around, swinging from the speed of a sleepy tortoise to that of a caffeinated hare without any rhyme or reason.
Perhaps it’s a new form of thrill-seeking for you, a rollercoaster ride without leaving the comfort of your theater seat. Or maybe it’s another example of how your expectations have been whittled to practically nothing.
Case in point: ‘A Good Day to Die Hard‘ as Exhibit H, starring Bruce Willis as John McClane.
This ill-conceived installment in the long-running franchise managed to pull in a respectable $304 million worldwide, despite pacing that’s as erratic as a drunken rollerblader.
One moment, we’re sitting through tedious family drama that’s as thrilling as watching paint dry, and the next, we’re thrown into explosive action sequences so frenetic they’d make Michael Bay dizzy.
There’s no flow, no rhythm, just a jarring mishmash of fast and slow that leaves you with cinematic whiplash.
This sin primarily plagues action films since it heavily relies on fight scenes and explosions. However, poor pacing can affect any genre and can be why your favorite movie sucks.
9 Underdeveloped Themes
Coming up at number nine is a complaint as old as storytelling and why your favorite movie sucks: Underdeveloped Themes.
Have we become so shallow, so one-dimensional in our tastes, that we’re content with movies that never dig deeper than the surface?
We gulp down hollow blockbusters that play it safe, skirting around any meaningful commentary or more profound exploration of themes.
Hollywood has happily taken advantage of this, feeding you undercooked ideas in overblown spectacles, banking on your apparent disinterest in substance.
Exhibit I: ‘Little Fockers,’ with its global earnings of over $310 million, is a prime example of this trend.
This Robert De Niro film masquerades as a commentary on the trials of family life and parenthood, yet fails to delve deeper than tired old gags and clichéd misunderstandings.
The movie has the chance to explore themes of trust, responsibility, and the challenges of family dynamics.
Instead, it squanders it on lowbrow humor and superficial conflicts, leaving any potential thematic depth as unexplored as the moon’s dark side.
The next time you feel unsatisfied after watching a film that promised depth but delivered only shallowness, remember your apathy towards more decadent themes is leading us down this path.
10 Poor World-building or Lack of Detail
We’ve finally arrived at the tragic end of this inglorious list of ten reasons your favorite movie sucks.
We cap it off with a grievance as widespread as infuriating: Poor World-building or Lack of Detail.
Has your attention span shrunk to the point where intricate world-building and meticulous details no longer matter? It appears you’re satisfied with the thinnest veneer of a universe, as long as there’s enough flashy action or cheap laughs to distract you from the glaring emptiness of the setting.
Hollywood and its ever-accommodating film industry are happy to oblige. Why spend effort crafting detailed worlds when viewers are content with flat-earth settings?
The final exhibit in our hall of shame is ‘The Smurfs,’ which managed to bag over $563 million worldwide, despite its lackluster world-building.
It’s a film that takes beloved characters and drops them into a bland, unconvincing New York City, failing to integrate the two worlds in any meaningful way.
The result is a motion picture that feels fragmented and empty, like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle. Yet you, my dear viewer, lapped it up, thereby encouraging more of the same.
The next time you watch a film where the world feels as thin and lifeless as paper, remember your willingness to accept such mediocrity fuels this trend.
Closing Thoughts on Why Your Favorite Movie Sucks
We’ve finally arrived at the end of this delightfully miserable journey. We’ve painstakingly dissected the top 10 reasons your beloved flick is an utter trainwreck.
And let’s be honest here, Hollywood is just a mirror reflecting our pitiful taste. They’re simply the puppet masters manipulating the strings, churning out soulless garbage year after year because we can’t seem to get enough.
Do you think they don’t know that every woman alive dreams of snagging a billionaire (what we call female porn in the Fifty Shades series)? Or a Spartan physique cut dancers like in ‘Magic Mike?’
These are your favorites, your precious babies. You get defensive about them, quarrel over them, and re-watch them ad nauseam. But what you’re doing is fueling this cycle of cinematic crap.
Maybe it’s high time you looked beyond the glossy veneer, beyond the flashy CGI, beyond the same old tired faces. Movies are meant to be more than just overpriced popcorn fodder. They’re supposed to be art, dammit.
Who am I to judge, though? Go on, kick back, and lose yourself in your favorite cinematic catastrophe. Revel in every predictable plot twist, every bloated runtime, every vapidly soulless character.
Because remember, this is the movie experience you’ve asked for.
Senior Editor, BuddyTV
